In an unprecedented press conference White House press secretary Scott McClellan announced to the American people “You guys, you seriously have to try this shit, it is out of this world man” as he held up a small vial of what was later confirmed as LSD. “No seriously you guys this shit is great” McCallan noted as he called on the “melting dude in the front” to ask the next question. When asked where he had gotten it from McCallan responded “Oh Michael Leavitt knew some dude from his days back at the EPA who hooked us up. He’s really been doing the human services part of his job around here, we got some real great chi going.” Over the course of the press conference McCallan was said to have had Baskin Robbins ice cream cone delivered to him at the podium though sources disagree on its flavor. Its is reported however that McCallan was constantly speaking about how delicious his ice cream cone was and that it was “really improving his life at the moment.”

When interviewing the rest of the White house staff everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. That is everyone except for president Bush, who according to his secretaries, was holed up underneath his desk screaming that the “evil brown people” were out to get him. Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice were found out on lawn in font of the White House discussing the clouds and how they really understood why people love kaleidoscopes. They both did not give statements as they were getting ready for some “serious tree climbing” in the near future. Overall the mood seemed pretty good throughout the White House despite the apparent lack of work being done. Though sources suggest that many members of the cabinet were getting some great metaprograming in before getting back to work.

i have the urge to write but nothing to say, it’s kind of paradoxical isn’t it because i clearly have things to say so what do we really mean when say we have nothing to say. i’m actually quite drunk right now, and a little high. alcohol does get the juices flowing. that’s what drugs are good for, altering your mind. books are good for that too, to quote immortal technique “turn off the news and read nigga read!” he knows what he’s talking about. so anyway, don’t listen to a word i say cuz i’m a fucking ignorant arrogant asshole who for some reason feels the need to publish his thoughts, think for yourself. at best, maybe, i’ll be a catalyst to some people, but never ever ever ever just straight up listen to what you’re told always think before you react.

chocolate mousse
hand of zeus
you’re obtuse
go fuck yourself
fin

What if Forensics finds the Answer to our corporate crime scene? Will the real honest truth be published without having to consult our RSS savvy goddess?

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Dear Sirs and Gentlewomen,

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————————————-

Hobottom looked up from the blocky lettering on the half empty pill bottle fixing his view on the masking tape outline surrounding the former resting place of a filing cabinet.

"They took it all out?"

"Yep filed in like a bunch of marines and took the damn things out. I put down the tape just to make sure I remembered what was even here before they got here. There doesn’t seem to be a whole hellava lot left to look at."

"Yeah I know. I’m used to that by now"

Hobottom got up from his knee and patted his pockets.  Pulling out a sleek white cylinder and

"You smoke?"

"No, sorry."

Flame.

Cloud.

Darkness.

Nothing.

A breath touches his lungs.

"Maybe we’re not ready to find out yet."

Wes could feel the psilocybin in his brain, rewiring it. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before. Words started flowing out of his mouth, “I have the strangest feeling, I never noticed how breathtakingly beautiful this room is. Hell I never noticed how breathtakingly beautiful everything is. Especially…everything! God is here, right here, inside of me. It’s all here with me, there is no need to look for it, there never was.”

“You’re starting to realize things,” said Dion, “important things, but don’t get too caught up in the philosophical shit right now. Just experience this moment in time, pure and unfettered. The implications of what you’re beginning to experience are way too fucking profound to be fully understood by anyone without years of contemplation.”

Wes noticed an ant. It was black, and perfect. It knew what it had to do; it had to gather food to stay alive. But more importantly it had to keep the hive alive so that it would continue to exist beyond the death of the lone ant.

Dion left the room, leaving his loaded gun on the table. Wes didn’t notice and continued talking to himself.

“But if all my experience is in my mind then what happens
when I die?”

forever nothingness

“Why should I care if the world continues, if my children live after I die? Answers leading to more questions, fucking shit always happens that way. There are no straight answers out there, and there never will be.”

the ceiling is starting to swirl
i’m drifting further from my body.

“What if I stay this way forever?”

sounds like fun

“I would be insane”

i feel alive

“I would loose my entire life, everything I’ve worked for”

fuck it all anyway it’s all meaningless bullshit

“No! I’m not going permanently insane, I took a powerful drug, it will wear off in time, everything will be all right”

my hand is melting into this chair
i’m loosing my mind

Suddenly, he laughed the most robust, deep, and full laugh of his life. Everything was just so trivial and funny and meaningless, and yet somehow meaningful. The human life span was a laughably short period of time in the history of all existence, so short that it was virtually meaningless. He realized how small he was in the universe, how little power he had, and that all ties of love and friendship were incredibly and depressingly temporary. he felt a terrible aching despair in the pit of his soul. he felt cold and empty, a miniscule afterthought in the grand scheme of things, destined to lead a mediocre life devoid of any significance, meaning, or permanent genuine happiness. That’s when he noticed Dion’s gun…