Wes could feel the psilocybin in his brain, rewiring it. It was like nothing he’d ever felt before. Words started flowing out of his mouth, “I have the strangest feeling, I never noticed how breathtakingly beautiful this room is. Hell I never noticed how breathtakingly beautiful everything is. Especially…everything! God is here, right here, inside of me. It’s all here with me, there is no need to look for it, there never was.”
“You’re starting to realize things,” said Dion, “important things, but don’t get too caught up in the philosophical shit right now. Just experience this moment in time, pure and unfettered. The implications of what you’re beginning to experience are way too fucking profound to be fully understood by anyone without years of contemplation.”
Wes noticed an ant. It was black, and perfect. It knew what it had to do; it had to gather food to stay alive. But more importantly it had to keep the hive alive so that it would continue to exist beyond the death of the lone ant.
Dion left the room, leaving his loaded gun on the table. Wes didn’t notice and continued talking to himself.
“But if all my experience is in my mind then what happens
when I die?”
forever nothingness
“Why should I care if the world continues, if my children live after I die? Answers leading to more questions, fucking shit always happens that way. There are no straight answers out there, and there never will be.”
the ceiling is starting to swirl
i’m drifting further from my body.
“What if I stay this way forever?”
sounds like fun
“I would be insane”
i feel alive
“I would loose my entire life, everything I’ve worked for”
fuck it all anyway it’s all meaningless bullshit
“No! I’m not going permanently insane, I took a powerful drug, it will wear off in time, everything will be all right”
my hand is melting into this chair
i’m loosing my mind
Suddenly, he laughed the most robust, deep, and full laugh of his life. Everything was just so trivial and funny and meaningless, and yet somehow meaningful. The human life span was a laughably short period of time in the history of all existence, so short that it was virtually meaningless. He realized how small he was in the universe, how little power he had, and that all ties of love and friendship were incredibly and depressingly temporary. he felt a terrible aching despair in the pit of his soul. he felt cold and empty, a miniscule afterthought in the grand scheme of things, destined to lead a mediocre life devoid of any significance, meaning, or permanent genuine happiness. That’s when he noticed Dion’s gun…
