The sound of a car alarm repeatedly set off by the guy coming down of oxy who keeps trying to get into his car and miserably failing.

“Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to keep the lasagna flying.

Please pardon my levity, I don’t see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd.”

You will be missed

Last night, while sipping on my $6 gin and tonic standing in a night club I had just paid $25 to get into, I felt compelled to text to google “define farce.” Later that evening, when I heard a techno song that sampled Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, I was compelled to text to google “define bastardization.” And even later that night, when a drunken hispanic girl told me I had a nice face, I felt good about myself.

Isn’t there just something achingly beautiful about life?

I know this has nothing to do with the theme of this blog, but I don’t care. Helo, you are a traitor to your species, and I hate you. Your bleeding heart “crimes against humanity” bullshit has cost the human race everything, and you’re a little bitch. I hope you rot in hell you stupid stupid person.