Thought I’d put this up, what with those Anti net neutrality mother fuckers getting PWNED in court.

Side note: Only to the extremely wealthy does it make sense to try to pass a law that benefits only the extremely wealthy. And yet, they keep trying and trying.

My girlfriend’s cat has been living in my trailer for a while now, and I have never felt such love towards an animal. First of all, she is a beautiful little grey long haired kitty with no teeth and the sharpest claws in the world. She’s tough as nails and would sooner scratch your eyes out than show any affection, except in my case.

For some reason, this crazy animal, which has spent most of it’s life living outdoors, has really taken a liking to me. She’s playful and affectionate towards me all the time, which is especially nice since for some reason I’m not at all allergic to her, even though I am to most cats.

It’s a nice thing to know that when everybody hates you, there are still some beings out there that love you no matter what. Kitty is a good reminder of that. All you need to do sometimes is scratch someone behind the ears and say something nice, and watch how they react. I’ve noticed a great similarity lately between talking to and touching people and animals and watering plants. They all react exactly the same way to love.

There are many people who practice something called “positive affirmation”. This entails repeatedly writing down sentences meant to reinforce positive self image, productivity, and future goal achievement. An example of a positive affirmation might be: “I will get a 94 on my history test.” If the individual writes this sentence enough times in a concentrated, almost meditative manner, he or she is in my opinion very likely to get a 94, or at least a satisfyingly good grade on the test. Of course, without studying this would not work.

The application of Will is worth experimenting with, for sure. I have spent a lot of time playing with positive affirmation, even to the extent of using what is called Chaos or Pop Magick. My feelings about the subject are in no way solid. However, I have learned the importance of the reminder. In the more recent years of my life, the brain change that I have experienced has led to much greater self awareness, and along the path there have been many points and lessons that I try to keep present in my mind. This is very difficult most of the time, it being very easy to get distracted. It is therefore important to maintain some set of reminders, ones that can easily be brought to the individual’s attention, that trigger memory of specific truths or even emotions, ones that you choose and prefer to keep close to the surface.

I think it would be sad in many ways to have to wake up in the morning and write down repeatedly a list that becomes the method for feeling good about yourself or getting things done. At the same time, however, there is definitely value in keeping certain thoughts present.

Here are the things that I must keep reminding myself of:

-Stay to the middle, avoid dogmatic thinking.
-Perception is the interaction between myself and what I am perceiving. I most often cannot apprehend the majority of the simultaneous processes involved in that interaction, so what I abstract from experience has largely to do with the way I subconsciously apply past experience to the present.
-I write the script of my life, and I choose to write a winner script.
-Embrace not knowing, live as much as possible in the flow of things.
-I often feel the need to make drastic changes in my life, involving relationships and routines. I think in the moment that this feeling is because of my surroundings, the people I am with, etc, but it is ultimately because of my own head. Problems that appear to be in the outside world are really conflicts within. Cleansing the doors of perception, as Blake said, is a good way to gain perspective on this.
-Everything that happens to me and everything that I do is the playing out of myself as a microcosm of the universe.

I keep these thoughts and others present as often in my day as I can, and I do so without having to practice writing down affirmations. Lately I have been experimenting with the use of sigils as reminders and as ways of focusing energy and attention to those thoughts, gaining a better grasp on them.

Some sigils would make great tattoos…

∞+∞=∞
[forever and ever everything is everything is everything forever and ever everything everything everything is everything my place in infinity is infinite is in infinity forever for everything is forever everything all of existence is a switch in the 'on' position strong position on position on one positive is all of existence forever and ever everything is everything]

Everything is
non-simultaneously apprehended interacting processing.

(re-read the above sentence until understanding is reached.)

My grandfather died two nights ago. I knew that day that he was about to die, and I thought about him alot. I knew this was coming a long time ago, when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the lungs, stomach, brain… He was a hardcore smoker, to say the least. I’m dealing with this now, really, beyond concept of death or anything metaphysical- I am in his house, using his computer, and he is not here. He doesn’t live here anymore. his lifeless body will be buried in the ground tomorrow, and I’ll never see his face again, never hear his voice, never smell him or anything like that. Of course, I have memories, and they will suffice. In that case I guess I will see him again, I’ll meet him in dreams and imagine him, his influence, etc.

This is very difficult, heavy. I am pretending to be totally fine when I am not, I am trying to be helpful to my mom and grandma, and to my aunt and uncle, to make sure they don’t have to do anything that isn’t related to dealing with the funeral, this weekend in general.