How can I be more like myself?

It seems to me that there is always a gap between what kind of person that I think I should be and how I acctually act. While it is essentially human to have ideas of what kind of person one should be (second order volition) I always feel as if I am not doing enough to become the person I really want to be. Whenever I do take steps in the “right” direction I find myself happier, more motivated, and more at peace with myself. When I do not I feel stressed and shitty like I am wasting my life and that I will amount to nothing.

While I am ofttimes content with the person that I am I always have this lingering feeling that I am weak willed and do not try enough to pursue what I am interested in being. I find this hard to accept as part of my vision of myself does not include being a weak willed person. This is where my problem lies. How can a person with strong ambitions be weak willed and still accomplish all that they want to? I don’t think they can.

Perhaps this is a sign to step back, re-evaluate and then set off again.

The journey is hard. But it is in the journey that we find strength to travel.

consumerism is the government realizing that they can easily distract people with shiny lights and toys and comfortable things and sugar and fat and creature comforts. they tell us that that’s what freedom is, but really it just distracts us. it distracts us from reflecting on the world, and reflecting on death, and reflecting on life, and the way things are. we spend our time buying things, and creating waste. all the while slowly killing our planet. and we never see it, or we do see it and we don’t care. my only hope is that somehow the drive towards giving us all information and pleasure at a convenience leads to us living in some utopic fairy land. perhaps through technology we will be set free. there’s always two sides to the coin