I’ve been noticing lately how much I depend on the structure of society for happiness. I’ve established that I’m happier when I’m busy creating/modifying/updating myself and the universe around me all day every day, but when I am alone and without obligation I do nothing to keep myself busy. I feed off the already established structure of different organizations in order to structure my own life. So far I have not been successful at using my mind to create the desired structure that organizations can give me.
I am capable of structuring my own life, but so far I lack the motivation. I do not however lack the motivation to go out and assign someone else the responsibility of telling me what to do.
Why am I my own worst enemy?
Why is it that I can so readily deduce all of these things about my life, but I fight against the obvious solutions. The obvious solution is to just do all the things I know I should be doing and then I should just do all of them and shut up about it. Why then is this solution daunting? When will I man up and take responsibility for myself and my actions? But then again I have to remind myself that a dependence on society isn’t the worst thing in the world. Successful men and women are successful because they did great things working with society, not avoiding it. So maybe my dependence on society isn’t all bad, but I think that my inability to internally guide my life is bad in some respects.
Again, where is the medium? Where is my balance going to found? When will I be able to ween myself from the Honest Book of Truth, and answer these questions myself instead of writing them down?