In an unprecedented press conference White House press secretary Scott McClellan announced to the American people “You guys, you seriously have to try this shit, it is out of this world man” as he held up a small vial of what was later confirmed as LSD. “No seriously you guys this shit is great” McCallan noted as he called on the “melting dude in the front” to ask the next question. When asked where he had gotten it from McCallan responded “Oh Michael Leavitt knew some dude from his days back at the EPA who hooked us up. He’s really been doing the human services part of his job around here, we got some real great chi going.” Over the course of the press conference McCallan was said to have had Baskin Robbins ice cream cone delivered to him at the podium though sources disagree on its flavor. Its is reported however that McCallan was constantly speaking about how delicious his ice cream cone was and that it was “really improving his life at the moment.”

When interviewing the rest of the White house staff everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. That is everyone except for president Bush, who according to his secretaries, was holed up underneath his desk screaming that the “evil brown people” were out to get him. Donald Rumsfeld and Condoleezza Rice were found out on lawn in font of the White House discussing the clouds and how they really understood why people love kaleidoscopes. They both did not give statements as they were getting ready for some “serious tree climbing” in the near future. Overall the mood seemed pretty good throughout the White House despite the apparent lack of work being done. Though sources suggest that many members of the cabinet were getting some great metaprograming in before getting back to work.